||[Jun. 17th, 2007|11:24 am]
|||||Demons & Wizards - Seize the Day||]|
Okay, okay, I'm still alive. Really I am. There was this whole thing, though, I sorta had to go away. You see, this lovely young lady showed up to my office, femme fatale to the letter. She said something about her husband cheating on her with some elected official while mobsters were trying to take the farm away from her poor leper father. Or something. I really wasn't paying attention. That dress was so
So we ran away to Hawaii, and then she disappeared!!!
Turns out she only wanted me to come along so I would pay for the tickets. Huh. Imagine that.
So there I was, alone in Maui with no kidney...wait, that's a different story, nevermind. There I was with my sweet ass kidney, all alone with no one to comfort me but giant fishbowl daiquiris.
So what did I do? I found a local tribe of natives and they adopted me into their culture. Okay, so these natives had telephones and cable television, but they didn't think it odd when I walked around in full tribal dress. I look good in a grass skirt. The coconut bra was a bit much, though.
After a few weeks of eating grubs and dancing naked under the full moon, my neighbors, the Jeffersons, got sick of my caterwaling and kicked me out of Waka'liki Heights. Friendly neighborhood my ass.
Now I was homeless, and I was beginning to miss my cave under the bridge leading to the gate of the community. But mostly, I was missing my lovely friends back in cold, depressing England.
So I left happy, sunny Hawaii behind, and have returned to my homeland. Man it's dreary here.
And no, I didn't bring you any souvenirs.